Frequently Asked Questions.
[Answers are from both “parties” unless otherwise noted.]
Why should I read your book? Because.
Where can I buy your books? We’re glad you asked! You can find where they’re sold HERE.
What are your full names? Can’t say, because it’d give away our genders. And that would give away several plot twists later in the series. See more about this HERE.
Why do you guys use “s/he” or “he/she” so much when talking about each other? Why not use only gender-neutral pronouns such as “they/their”? That’s a good point. The main reason is the Narrator and I are cis-gendered. We don’t want to abuse a gender-neutral pronoun because, when we do finally reveal who we are, we don’t want to undermine a whole group of people who do use the they/their. It’s not our pronoun and we want to respect those who do identify with they/their. Though, you may see us drop a few they/theirs in the novel because English is an illogical chimera of language. We also started work on this series before gender-neutral pronouns were so accepted. They may be updated in future editions.
Why do the Editor and Narrator break the 4th wall so much? Because our work is a statement on the Author-as-God mindset (whether the Narrator realizes it or not). No one creates in a vacuum. There is no point to a story without an audience. Insert other excuses here.
Why have an Editor annotate the story? Because sometimes people need interpreters – not just on the language level, but on the reality level. Some say there are two sides to every story. We are living proof. Everything we do is a work in progress – we wanted you to KNOW more than one person has played their role in this story. Stories overlap. There are different perspectives all saying the same thing. Maybe even you have your own footnotes to add. (Seriously, go ahead. Add them if you want. Annotate away!).
Speaking of footnotes, I hate them! We’re glad that you have opinions. We have them too. Such as: Buy the print edition because ebooks seem to have it out for footnotes.
What is the REAL reason you guys collaborated on this series? Because we, like all couples, think each other are brilliant. That, and Gabbler doesn’t want BLA to make a fool of him/herself and therefore make Gabbler look bad by extension. See also THIS.
How’d the Narrator get the idea for this crap? Um, you clearly aren’t paying attention here. BLA believes every word s/he writes.
Why don’t Vulcan and the other gods have greater roles in this novel? Because this.
Why is the story set in the U.S. — most of all, the SOUTH? Because natural gas? Subterranean fuel? F*ck if we know why Vulcan chose to stir sh*t up in the “melting pot.” Probably because you have to scrape the bottom to keep it from sticking. IDK. I mean, who knows why he even has as statue in Alabama? There’s no volcanoes around there, yet something is clearly attracting him. [Because The Author of this series grew up in the Bible Belt, has Native American ancestors, and has a lot to say (sub-textually) in response to colonialism and literature like American Gods, for instance.]
Why are there nine Automatons? We don’t know why Vulcan does ANYTHING. But, much like the nine Muses, it seems to work just fine.
But why doesn’t this book mention Talos or any of the other automatons Hephaestus/Vulcan [may have] created? Why isn’t there a greater use of pre-established mythology in this book? WHYYY? Slow down there, canon-hipster. Just because Talos isn’t mentioned doesn’t mean the story rejects that he or the others exist. This story just focuses on one batch Vulcan whipped up. If you wanted “old established myth,” we suggest you go back to Hesiod and Homer. Or, gods forbid, maybe Percy Jackson is more your style. Have fun feeling smart about spotting the archetypes in that story.
Why does every chapter end in a slanty-name and a character list? Yes, we’ll be upfront about the weirdness of it. Every chapter ends in a name and a list. Think it’s a bit much? We wouldn’t blame you. See (despite my best efforts to “free up” the chapters), our Narrator insisted. Our Narrator said (something to the effect of), “Like stanzas of a poem, the names create form for the novel.” I replied, “If poetry is your intent then why not write in verse?” “Because I don’t have f—king time to write poetry! Is my writing not anal enough?” That’s when I realized the Narrator’s chapter “formula” was a great compromise. I’d kill myself if I had to edit iambic pentameter.
Why no page breaks between chapters? Even in the tangible novels? BECAUSE EPIC POETRY BREAKS FOR NO CHAPTERS. Plus, BECAUSE TREES.
You said BLA is mute. How can s/he tell you ANYTHING? Like we said in Vol. 1, the Narrator uses a computer to type to me. BLA is very good at typing. In fact, BLA typed most of this up and I just edited it. – G.
I’m not really sure about Dorian’s race. Or the twins’. Good.
Why do none of your characters GO anywhere? Odys barely leaves his apartment! Nothing happens! If you think nothing happens, don’t let us persuade you otherwise.
Do you read comments on the blog? Yep. We might even holla back. We ask that you be respectful. All inappropriate comments will be deleted. What’s “inappropriate”? Well, post what you need to say and you just might find out.
When’s the next book coming out? Follow the blog for that announcement, because we don’t even know yet. But SOON.
Why no audio book? Because footnotes.
Causes you support? We endorse Alley Cat Allies. Cats like Bulfinch are put down in shelters every day because they aren’t treated like the wild animals that they are. Though Bul isn’t feral, we don’t think other cats should be measured against him. Yes, Bulfinch is the pinnacle of all cats here.
There’s an error in my book (grammar, syntax, spelling, formatting, etc.). Complain to us about it! Gabbler may have edited the damn thing but there is only so much damage control a mortal human can do. But drop an email with ‘Is Gabbler Slacking?’ in the Subject and we’ll see if we did it on purpose or not. (There have actually been a lot of issues with the footnote formatting in the Smashwords and their affiliate sellers’ versions. Please let us know if you have any issues and our team can either fix the problem or make amends).
Oh, and thanks for pointing out our flaws. Keeps us humble. Jerk.
But seriously, thanks for telling us our fly is down: HeckleTheRingmaster @ circodelherreroseries . com [sans spaces]
And no, you don’t get a refund, asshole.
How do I contact you? Please use the contact email. We don’t have a mail box. Or a P.O. box (yet). We also don’t do appearances because…well, you’ll find out in Vol. 3.
Fan mail? Checked
every day! whenever we’re not reading hate mail or error emails. Send us your stuff here: Contact @ circodelherreroseries . com [do I need to repeat myself about the spaces?]
Hate us? Sounds like someone needs a hug. But not you, because you’re a jerk. But, if you still need to vent, send us an email. Why not. You already know what it is. We brought this on ourselves.
However, a more productive form of criticism would come in the form of you posting your critiques on your own blog in a public space. Own what you have to say BUT NOT IN OUR FACE.
Why aren’t you with a traditional publisher? We’re a bit too weird for traditional tastes. Thankfully, you have good taste, you good looking person, you.
Want to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help us gods? Read the FAQ Spoiler Edition.
Please check again in the future for more secrets and/or better lies.